Can A Woman Love You Without Touching You?

WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN

Success Coach - Doc Love

Hi Doc,
Is it normal for a couple to make love once every four to five months? I could easily make love everyday, but my wife of twelve years has lost interest. She claims it's a side effect of the medicine she takes for panic attacks, but in reality, her interest in sex went away a few years before the medicine. At that time, her excuse for her lack of interest was the panic attacks themselves (Catch-22?). She claims that she loves me, but I sometimes wonder if that's really the case. What do you think, Doc?
Terry - who wants to know if she can ever get back in the mood

Hey Ter,

I bet you're hearing these lines:

"Please, Terry, is that all you think of?"

"We just did it four months ago!"

"Have you been looking at those movies again?"

"Don't touch me!"

Even a cold cat likes to be stroked - so what's her excuse?

No offense, guy, but if you have to ask the first question from your letter, then you don't know what normal is. Don't you think that some wives out there still chase hubby around the dining room table when the kids are away, even after twelve years of cloying sameness? I'm telling you that such women do exist! On the other hand, I know there are millions of miserably married men out there who rationalize their loveless lives because of their three brats and their 30-year house loan. You're not alone in your ignorance of healthy relationships, Ter.

Your wife blames her medication for her deep freeze mode, but you said her problem began years before. Can you see the convenient consistency in her two excuses? In both cases, she doesn't have to touch you.

Yes Ter, she did put you into a Catch-22 situation. The great thing about her health excuse is that you become the ogre if you try to be intimate with her. She may even end up saying that you are the cause of her panic attacks! In fact, I would venture to say that panic attacks aren't your wife's real problem - attacks of Low Interest Level are!

To be sure about her actual degree of feelings for you, here's a test you can use. Ask yourself if she has ever done any of the following for you:

Put her arms around you and/or kissed you for no reason

Complimented you on your looks

Sat very close to you at a restaurant or on the couch at home

Gave you a massage

- in other words, has she ever been all over you? If she hasn't, you may have married a Professional Dater - a woman who marries in spite of her low Interest Level.

Why are the above gestures so important? Because they show affection - the natural result of high Interest Level - which in a happy marriage, leads to lovemaking.

No matter what her physical condition may be, a clinically sane woman with high Interest Level in her husband (or in any other guy), can always express affection. But when her Interest Level is in the dumps, this task becomes too uncomfortable for her to accomplish.

Because a woman with high Interest Level would do anything to please you, she would show you affection even if she were lying in a hospital bed in a body cast! Seriously, Ter - can't you see that a woman who really loved you would be willing to come up with some kind of love compromise? Unless you left some important details out of your question, Ter, I'd say your wife is unwilling to work with you toward a solution - which means that your marriage is in a tailspin. Sorry, guy.

Ter - You have a lot of soul-searching to do. You must determine whether or not your moral and religious background says you must stay with a woman who does not love you. If you do stay, wear a happy face and be sweet to her - especially in front of your kids, if you have any.

Remember guys, happily married women with high Interest Level don't nag, get headaches, or ever refuse a kiss!

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"