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Hi Doc,
I need your advice on a girl I'm interested in. She is in my Latin dance class. I have known this girl for about three weeks now. I thought she was cute the first time I saw her, but she seemed sort of shy. So I figured that I'd just talk to her a little and see if she was personable enough to even consider pursuing romantically.
Well, the first time I talked to her I found out she had a boyfriend. She didn't mention him to scare me away; the topic just came up. At that point I decided not to even consider pursuing her at all. But then every time I saw her, she would flirt with me. She even pinched me on the rear end once. So I figured maybe I had a chance. This girl was really starting to grow on me, even though I had already said to myself to forget about it. Anyway, I ended up getting her phone number.
I called her up one night and we talked for about 20 minutes. I asked her if I could come over and see her. She said she was busy working on her taxes and that her boyfriend had just borrowed her car to go see a movie. He was due back in an hour, so she didn't think coming over would be okay.
At our next dance class, she was giving me a major attitude. She just seemed much less interested in me. So I used a strategy that I thought would turn her attitude around. I started really ignoring her. Now her attitude is gone. My question to you is this: what should I do now?
Should I ask this girl on a "date"? Or should I just try to be friends with her. You might be wondering why I think this girl is even worth the time of day. Well, mainly it's because she seems nervous around me. It's like she doesn't know what to say. I take this as a positive sign. So Doc, what do you think?
Emmett - who seeks your expert advice

Advice for Single Guys from Success Coach - Doc Love

WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN

Hi Emmett,

I understand why you're confused by this girl's behavior. She tells you up front that she has a boyfriend and simultaneously she flirts with you. And women say that men are inconsistent! A girl like that is so skilled at putting out mixed messages, she could make a lie detector blow a fuse.

Having a boyfriend doesn't stop a lot of women from flirting like a lap dancer who still hasn't made her rent for the month. Guys, have you ever had a girl at a party do everything but lick your face on the dance floor, only to have her reveal that she has a boyfriend when you ask her for her phone number? Ah, life would be so simple if women never gave men ambiguous signals. Yet, perhaps, not as interesting.

Anyway, don't worry Emmett, I will help you to find out what your dancing darling's true intentions are. First, be aware, that the fact that she has a boyfriend, didn't 'just come up' accidentally in your initial conversation with her. Any time a girl brings up her boyfriend, it 's on purpose. Sometimes to let you know that she's popular, or more often to say "Don't make any moves, Buddy."

The question we need to answer is: If she's happy with her boyfriend, why is she behaving in a way which could be interpreted that she's romantically interested in you? (To you Psych majors: if she's already in love, why is she honking your horn and giving you her home phone number?) Is she just mischievously enjoying making you think that there's hope for you, or is she trolling for a backup guy to move in once she dumps her current beau? (Perhaps someone who has it together enough to have his own car?) Remember that many women are like a chimp in a tree; they won't let go of one branch until they've gotten hold of another one.

What tells us that she's possibly ready for a different man in her life, is the fact that she's nervous around you. They're never nervous when they have low Interest Level. So allow let me tell you how it might be:

She's with her old boyfriend out of habit. Her Interest Level in him has sunk to somewhere between 40 and 49%, but no one interesting enough has come along to warrant her going through the hassle of getting rid of him. You are a potential candidate, but she needs to check you out further. (And you need to be more of a Challenge to raise her Interest Level in you.)

To determine if this really is the case, I recommend that you do more of the kind of things you did when you turned her attitude around. Keep ignoring her. Talk to all the other female dance students and get them laughing in front of her. When she sees you having a good time with them, it will help your cause.

Then, in a week or two, ask her to have lunch with you. If she gives you any static about being out with you one on one, then you'll know that she's just 'kicking tires', and that it's time for you to move on to a new adventure. Why? The Reality Factor says a man should never try to date someone who doesn't want to date him.

If she accepts the lunch date and she shows up, keep her laughing as much as you can while you're out together. Do not touch her or try to kiss her or tell her how pretty she is. And, when you end the lunch date, don't mention getting together again. By doing those things, she'll see you as intriguing and mysterious. After that, let her approach you for the next rendezvous, and then maintain the same strategy. Don't come on to her.

If she had authentic romantic Interest Level in you to begin with, at this point, it will have risen considerably. Soon enough, she'll come on to you in a way that will leave you without any doubts.

So Emmett, just kick back and be a Challenge, and don't be attached to the outcome. (Don't make her the center of your life.) Meanwhile, keep getting the home phone numbers of other girls!

Remember guys; women don't say: "I have low Interest Level in you." If they did, I'd be out of work.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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