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Dear Doc,

You have provided some tremendous information on the dating world. I can certainly attest to that. Learning how to interpret the signals that women send out (things that I just never noticed before) has made a dramatic difference in my love life. However, I think there is one gray area that you have yet to touch on. The transformation from dating to boyfriend to exclusive. Each stage has its relative attributes that sometimes don't apply to the others.

For example, when initially dating, you must maintain that mystique, that aura, that distance to make HER desire you. However, I think that this behavior becomes counter-productive around say, the two or at least three-month point. This is around the time where she should be feeling secure enough (assuming you'd like her to) to have that warm fuzzy girlfriend/boyfriend thing going on. But because you're continuing to be a Challenge, she still doesn't have that feeling. She's not sure if she can trust you and she's not sure where she stands with you. So, at what point is being a Challenge to be stopped or slowed down or whatever?

Thanks Doc, keep em coming.
Nate - who seeks deeper wisdom

Advice for Single Guys from Success Coach - Doc Love

WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN

Hi Nate,

Great question. I'm glad that you do appreciate the power and importance of being a Challenge. Most men come on too heavy with women and push for too much too soon. They embarrass themselves. They use all kinds of ploys; they grovel and beg, seek approval, attempt to impress, brag and try to talk women into liking them. Or, they pour their guts out while trying to show the woman how sensitive and vulnerable they can be. They'll do anything to get intimate with women as quickly as they possibly can, whatever they think will work.

What they fail to understand is that what women want more than anything, is the un-attainable guy, the guy who is slightly aloof and enigmatic. To you Psych majors, the guy who's not trying.

So Nate, you understand the value of Challenge. Fantastic! But you think that being a Challenge becomes counter-productive after a few months. Wrong! If you follow "The System," and you are consistently a gentleman, with manners class and high integrity, and you continue being a Challenge, after about sixty days, she will indeed have that warm fuzzy feeling. She will call you her boyfriend. She will be exclusive with you. She will love you and she will trust you as much as she's capable of with any man. (She wouldn't trust a man who was a non - Challenge any more than you wouldn't, after having spent the same amount of time with him.)

When Challenge works its magic, her romantic Interest Level gets very high. And when the woman has a high level of romantic interest in you, she feels safe and comfortable. Then she experiences all those wonderful romantic feelings that she's been longing to feel. She feels like she's been swept off her feet. You can't do any better than that, Nate.

I just don't want you feeling as warm and fuzzy as she does Nate, because if you do, you will start coming on too heavy verbally, and you'll open up too much. Her Interest Level in you should be in the nineties and your Interest Level toward her should stay in the eighties. When your romantic Interest Level stays lower than hers does, you won't start getting too sweet and soft and syrupy, which would slowly erode her Interest Level in you.

Be aware, Nate, that as time goes go by, your girlfriend will get to know you and your habits, what bugs you and what makes you happy. You will become less mysterious and more predictable without doing anything. So there's no need to change your basic love strategy. Continue to not tell her about painful things in your past. Continue to surprise her in clever ways. Continue to let her wonder about where she stands with you. Not whether you like her or not. She wondered about that during the first sixty days. After that, you want her to wonder whether or not you're really gone over her the way she's gone over you, that's good!

Now, after you have been with a woman for a couple months, there are certain Challenge strategies/behaviors that you can lighten up on. I'll give you a few examples from the many in "The System." 1) you can go ahead and leave a message on her answering service if you want to 2) You can also talk to her on the phone just to have a fun chat 3) you can take her out on a Friday or Saturday night. Things like that. But, always maintain a ratio of one "I love you" to every five she says to you. That will keep her on her toes AND, keep her Interest Level high.

Remember, guys, never go against the principles that made you a success with women to begin with.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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