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Advice for Single Guys from Success Coach - Doc LoveWOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTENDear Chance, Congratulations. As it says in the Bible "the truth shall set you free." Chance you've seen the light and now there's no going back to confusion and rejection. To you Psych majors, the word "friend" is Womanese for: "I have no romantic interest in you." I can't tell you how many guys wrote in after the publication of my article "When She Wants To Be Friends First," to share that they have had experiences similar to yours. Many a guy has foolishly wasted his time and money on someone who couldn't care less about him, just because he looked at only his own Interest Level and never looked at the woman's level of interest. It's like building a skyscraper on sacred burial grounds. There're gonna be problems. When you get emotionally involved with a woman who LJBF's you ("Let's just be friends"), you're signing up for nothing but heartache. The Reality Factor says that it takes two people with MUTUAL high interest in each other to make a romantic relationship. To you Psych majors, it takes two to tango. To her credit, Chance, she did tell you up front that you didn't have a chance. As the title of my weekly column says, Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen. Either subtly or blatantly, directly or indirectly, women always let you know what their Interest Level in you is. You just have to learn to watch and listen, properly. Only "The System" teaches you how to interpret a woman's signals accurately. In your case Chance, she was blatantly clear. You heard her, but you didn't listen to her. Now, an ethical person might ask; wasn't it her moral responsibility as a human being not to continue to take advantage of you? The average guy would feel extremely guilty and uncomfortable having a girl come over every weekend to wash his car and cook him dinner, all the while knowing that she had high romantic Interest Level in him and that he had no romantic feelings for her. Chance, you've woken up. Now you see that you were playing the part of Stooge. The Stooge says to himself: "If I treat her really well, she'll begin to appreciate what a great guy I am, and she'll start to feel the same kind of romantic feelings for me, that I feel for her." Meanwhile he becomes her butler, baby sitter and shoulder to cry on. It's also fascinating to observe how so many women will enable men in dis-empowering themselves in this way. The women in this situation will almost never say; "Dude, don't you have any self respect?" They enjoy getting all the perks that go along with having a boyfriend, without having to commit to being in a real relationship. Men, please understand this: when you try to be the nice guy "in the name of friendship," you will only lose. Way too many of you guys convince yourselves that you are somehow being noble and gentlemanly by taking the Stooge path. Well, there's nothing noble or gentlemanly about selling yourself down the river. In fact, in order to stay on this type of doomed course of action, you have to be very dishonest. I mean, dishonest with yourself. And when you emerge from your denial, you see that you've been angry and hurt and resentful for being taken as a chump. Ayn Rand would call it: sanction of the victim. So Chance, you had one question; Is it even possible for a guy to decrease interest level in a female while at the same time trying to grow a friendship with her? Answer: Don't even go there. By the way, Chance, when you broke all ties to her; you did the right thing. Now you're ready to move on and find a woman who wants to spend time with you because she has a high level of romantic interest in you. Remember guys, you're there to be the boyfriend, not the Stooge.
To send me your love questions or
to find out more about The "System," visit me at
www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
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