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Advice for Single Guys from Success Coach - Doc LoveWOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTENCongratulations Leroy, you've obviously made improvements in your dating skills and you've had some good insights. As you mentioned, you really can't tell how well a date is going when a woman brings her child along. During the first 60 days of dating, it's vitally important that all your dates with a woman are with just the two of you, one on one. No double dates with other couples. And we don't want any children, pets or one of her girlfriends tagging along either. All these other people and animals have a high potential for compromising the romantic atmosphere. Plus, as you've experienced, it's difficult to get an accurate reading on a woman's Interest Level in you when she's having to consider other people's needs and expectations on the date. So Leroy, to have a new understanding about this issue is a big win for you. But Leroy you've only been using part of "The System" and that is why you've only been partially successful. I'd have to give you a "C" grade in the Challenge department. But a "C' is just not going to cut it with a 'heavy' like this girl. We've got to get your performance grade up to the "A" level. So let's start by clearing some things up. You mentioned that you were concerned that you might have turned this girl off by not showing enough interest in her. Leroy, you're not supposed to "show" interest. She already knows that you're interested in her. Why? Because you keep asking her out! If a woman kept calling you every week and picked you up at your house and paid for everything, would you wonder whether she was interested in you? When you do those things for her, she knows more than enough about your level of interest. So the "problem" is not that you didn't come on heavy enough. The problem is that SHE didn't come on heavy enough! You can not raise a woman's interest level by coming on strong, either verbally or physically. When and if she decides that you're the one, SHE will start getting serious. She'll come on to you. You see Leroy, in a sense, you have nothing to do with whether that happens or not. The Reality Factor says that the man does the picking but the woman does the choosing. The way you motivate her to choose you is by you being a Challenge - all the time. Now let's get down to the more sticky issues. You need to go back and study more because you've made some serious telephone blunders. First of all, when you called for your third date with her and she turned you down, you jumped right in with a counter offer instead of waiting for her to come up with a counter offer. By doing that you made yourself look too eager, like a guy who just got out of prison. Then you really dropped the ball by allowing her to "get back" to you. Plus you accepted a 'maybe' date. That's very weak. By doing that, you let her know that you're 'on call' for her. You let her know that she has no competition. You've got to learn to become more mysterious and less available Leroy. In love, you do not get what you deserve but what you negotiate. Now let's deal with the situation as it is. Since it seems as if your girl has backed off, it's time for you to back off more. Don't worry about whether she calls you or not. Don't worry about whether you see her at the gym or not. These are non-issues. Wait another week and then get her on the phone in person (do not leave any more messages.) Then ask her out for another date on a weeknight, without the kid. If she enthusiastically accepts the date, take her out and be more of a Challenge. Keep studying "The System" to gain more insight into how to be a Challenge while you're in the trenches. And keep in mind, that if the relationship is going to move forward, only the woman makes it happen. Remember, guys, you gotta' keep 'em guessing.
To send me your love questions or
to find out more about The "System," visit me at
www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
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