Hi Dupree,

Sure, I can give you all the direction in the world, but are you going to do what I tell you? Or are you going to quit because it's too hard to get yourself together? Do you want to stay a loser, or are you going to make the commitment to do what it takes to turn yourself into a winner?

First of all, dude, I hate to tell you this, but lots of guys are in the same boat as you but they just won't admit it. The reason girls lose interest in you is because there's something physically wrong about you that you're leaving out of your letter, and/or you don't know how to talk to them.

It's funny that two separate girls used the same word - "inappropriate" -- about the way you smooched them. What the heck could you possibly be doing to them? I'd like to go into this in more detail with you, pal, but this column is G-rated.

Nevertheless, it's a great sign that Diana agreed to go out with you a second time. With everyone else you only got to the first date and then you were history. But with Diana you got a little further. Perchance - assuming she's not a Professional Dater - you did some things right on that first date that got you to the second. If I were invisible and could have been beside you I would have seen what you did right, or else figured out that Diana was a Professional Dater. And that's where the importance of memorizing my material comes in - it's like having me with you all the time. And you don't say in your letter whether you have the Dating Dictionary or not.

You succeeded only in frightening Diana too, like you did the others, so I have to ask you this question: when you go to kiss a girl, do you go for her neck with your fangs out? Do you have long, stringy hair like Howard Stern after a shower? Guy, since I can't see your face, what I would do if I were you would be to find a close friend or relative and find out what's wrong with your mug, because first of all we have to get past the issue of physical attractiveness. And if there's a problem, then you should undergo some cosmetic surgery or take other steps to rectify it. Maybe you look like a male witch or something like that. (Of course, even weird looks hasn't hurt guys like Howard Stern when it comes to women. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "You ever see some of Marilyn Manson's girlfriends before he went and got married? Hubba-hubba!")

Now, let's take a look at the conclusions you drew about yourself.

We don't know for sure that your looks aren't killing you. As my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Hey, maybe you got a mole on the end of your nose the size of a turnip." And maybe that guy who was built like a string bean was a male model with a washboard stomach and a great face. Don't forget the immortal words of my cousin General Love: "Remember, when it comes to war, you can never have enough weapons. Soldier, on the dating battlefield you can never be good-looking enough!"

You should feel embarrassment, anxiety, high blood pressure and all the rest of it when you hit on a girl you don't know because you're going up to a complete stranger. So that's not abnormal in itself. But if you're introverted and shy, the first thing you need to do is grow a personality. You need to take speech classes and then give talks on my principles. You also need to go to improv class and learn how to be funny. And you have to keep improving yourself until you calm down when talking to people about my material and making them laugh with my material.

Like I said before, pretty much every guy feels some sort of anxious discomfort when he's with a woman he likes. But if it's so bad you can't control your physical reactions and symptoms, you have to go and see someone who's got a sheepskin on his wall. If the whole process is that painful for you, you should go and consult some type of professional counselor who can help you. On the other hand I do know this: if you memorized my book and were able to get up and lecture on it in front of a hundred people, one or two women in the audience would think you're cute and you'd be on your way.

Your third point is the saddest of all. Because do you know what you've done here? You've given up hope. To you Psych majors, as long as you're breathing and you can get to the door to ring the bell, there's hope. But you have to change your Attitude. You have to look at the fact that you're in good health and you live in the greatest country that ever existed with a standard of living higher than anywhere else in the world. That's what counts.

Finally, you have to stop taking women to heart. Like Doctor Freud once said, "Your entire existence is wrapped up in whether or not they like you. That's nuts!"

Thinking that all females are going to reject you is a half-truth. Sure, the majority is going to reject you, but the majority of women reject most guys. But that doesn't mean you can't try. The feedback from women is negative for most guys. But the muddy water will clear as soon as you have the right education, which means you follow my strategies.

My friend, I'm a coach, not a shrink. In your case there is the possibility that you have some deep, deep problems - no offense intended. Some of the things you talk about are borderline off the deep end. Those kinds of problems are not my area of expertise. So it's up to you to do what you need to do get yourself straightened out.

Dupree, unload the gun, put it back in the drawer, and you'll be okay when you get the proper help and memorize my book.

Remember, guys: the key to women is to not take them personally.